so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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