I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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