I am spending my child support on dildos
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
whose parrot is this?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
