I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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