Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
