She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
