so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize