I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
