he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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