I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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