i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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