i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
