he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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