Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
