her vagine was all disorganized.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
