Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
