i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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