I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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