I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
