It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
