Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize