paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
