Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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