Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
