My friends, they love my intelligence
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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