I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
zippers are such a cool invention
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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