Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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