Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize