Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
