I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
