Acid is not a monday night drug
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
