She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize