Rock
Scissors
Fuck
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
