We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
