Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
