I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
