Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I AM VODKA MAN
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
