as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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