wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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