Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
