You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't deserve a penis
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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