yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
