Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
