You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
