i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
