New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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