I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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