Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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