dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
