I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
