i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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