the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it hurts more in the daytime
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
