How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize