My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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