Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
