Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
