why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
