i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
