a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
