Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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