I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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