i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Congratulations! We have a period
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