I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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