y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
