ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
