I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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