I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
