On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
